Many
times people do nothing in such a situation simply because they do not
know what to do. They are afraid of intruding or of saying the wrong
thing. Perhaps they do not know how to relate to a dying person or to
the family. They may feel emotions of anger, sadness, or confusion.
Nevertheless, even they can find many ways to help.
One
woman tells the story of a tragedy she experienced when five of her
close family members from another state were killed in a fiery
automobile accident. She herself was struggling to absorb the news,
trying to pack for her own little family to leave the following day for
the funeral. A good friend and neighbor arrived at her door with the
announcement that he had come to clean their shoes. She had not even
thought about shoes.
He
knelt on their kitchen floor with a pan of soapy water, a sponge, shoe
polish, and a brush and soon had everyday shoes and Sunday shoes
gleaming and spotless. He quietly slipped away when he finished, leaving
the shoes ready to pack; even the soles were washed.
The
mother says, “Now whenever I hear of an acquaintance who has lost a
loved one, I no longer call with the vague offer, ‘If there’s anything I
can do …’ Now I try to think of one specific task that suits that
person’s need—such as washing the family car, taking the dog to the
boarding kennel, or house-sitting during the funeral. And if the person
says to me, ‘How did you know I needed that done?’ I reply, ‘It’s
because a man once cleaned my shoes.’” (Madge Harrah, “He Cleaned Our
Shoes,” Reader’s Digest, Dec. 1983, pp. 21–24.)
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